Monday, May 11, 2015

Happy Mother's Day Mom

I was a hard child growing up. I know that I was. I was, by nature, hard in the first place. I was (and still am) very stubborn, very strong willed. Then I went through some stuff that made me angry, and hurt, and scared, sad, and confused. And that made me even harder. I hated that I was that way. I've always known I was hard. But that's just the way I was.
My mom was a very good mom. The best mom. She was patent and loved me through all the fighting I put her through. She still taught me, she still wanted to be with me, she still loved me. And even on the bad days, I knew it.

My favorite thing to do when with my mom when I was little was run errands. I felt so special and grown up. It was how we "played". I always wanted to be busy, I still do and so does my J girl. I felt the structure in our day when I felt like we had something we needed to go do.

My favorite thing to do with my mom when I was a little older was go to the grocery store. No one else wanted to go, so it was my time alone with her. She teased me as I got even older and still wanted to go to the store, and still had the habit of hanging on to the cart. But it made me feel safe and kind of in-charge. Like I said before, strong willed.

My favorite thing to do with my mom as a teenager was to dance with her in our living room. She never did that any other time. Only when I started it. (That and pillow fights I guess). It let me see that it's ok, and even good to goof off. She didn't always have to be serious, even though she was a mom, she could still be a little goofy. It was a bonding time.

My favorite thing to do with my mom after high school was watch movies. Every Sunday, or on nights that I was alone (Trev was on his mission), we would watch movies. Sometimes, the same movie over and over. And other times, we would do movie marathons. Sometimes my dad would come watch it too. That helped me feel like I wasn't alone. I was the last child, all of my siblings were married. My best friend, and boyfriend was on his mission (as were most of my other friends at that time). So when I was home, it got really easy to feel alone. But when ever I wanted to watch a movie, I could count on my mom to watch it with me. And then I wasn't alone.

My favorite thing to do with my mom as a new parent, was to go on walks. We lived in their house, so every night, and most mornings, we would take J on walks. It was a good time for us to be able to talk. It helped me feel that I was doing good as a mom. I was trying my best. I was teaching my baby. Even though we didn't have a place of our own, and I didn't feel like I was doing much to raise my little one, going on walks with my mom, where we could talk about those things, helped me feel like I was doing more than I thought.

My favorite thing to do with my mom now, is just spend time with her. It doesn't matter what we are doing. Shopping, exercising, or even just sitting at her house and letting the kids play. It's a time for me to have a conversation with someone older than three. It's a time that I can vent and she will listen. I can ask for advise and she knows what to do. She's always there for me when I need her.

I might have fought a lot with my mom a lot growing up, but she was always one of my best friends. She was always coming and cheering me on at my races. She was always there to talk when I would finally feel like it. She was there to protect me all the way.
Happy Mother's Day Mom. Love you!

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